Asa cum am promis o sa revin cu o serie de posturi care sa reprezinte inceputul proiectului la care m-am gandit.
Cum tocmai a inceput un nou an m-am gandit sa fac o recenzie a anului 2010 folosindu-ma de pasaje din carti.
Primele pasaje sunt extrase din cartea Eat, Pray, Love de Elizabeth Gilbert. O carte plina de umor, adevaruri spirituale si cautarea cu incapatanare a unei lumi mai bune, mai luminoasa si plina de iubire.
Citatele urmatoare definesc prima parte a anului in care am fost indragostita si am uitat de tot ce e in jurul meu. Vroiam nespus de mult sa imi petrec timpul cu persoana alaturi de care ma vedeam mult timp de acum incolo…Am facut o groaza de nebunii si a fost in unele momente relatia perfecta. Am facut o cerere in casatorie (numai pentru o zi!), am fost copil, prietena, iubita, mama si toate astea la un loc pentru un timp…
But, oh, we had such a great time together during those early months when he was still
my romantic hero and I was still his living dream. It was excitement and compatibility like I’d never imagined. We invented our own language. We went on day trips and road trips. We hiked to the top of things, swam to the bottom of other things, planned the journeys across the world we would take together. We had more fun waiting in line together at the Department of Motor Vehicles than most couples have on their honey-moons. We gave each other the same nickname, so there would be no separation between us. We made goals, vows, promises and dinner together.
Dar cum viata nu e numai lapte si miere perioada de calm si voie buna s-a terminat cam in 6 luni. Evident, nu era vorba de o compatibilitate perfecta sau de love of my life or his life. A fost ce a fost. Cu bune si foarte bune, cu rele si cu si mai rele. Dar oricat te-ai stradui sa te convingi ca cel de langa tine se va schimba, realitatea confirma ca oamenii se schimba arareori in ceea ce isi doresc partenerii lor:
In desperate love, it’s always like this, isn’t it? In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding that they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.
Un alt episoad interesant a fost sa ma apuc sa invat si sa experimentez joaca de-a terapeutul. O joaca care nu se va termina prea curand…
The other notable thing that was happening during that time was the newfound adventure
of spiritual discipline.
My heart skipped a beat and then flat-out tripped over itself and fell on its face. Then my
heart stood up, brushed itself off, took a deep breath and announced: “I want a spiritual teach-
er.” I literally mean that it was my heart who said this, speaking through my mouth. I felt this
weird division in myself, and my mind stepped out of my body for a moment, spun around to
face my heart in astonishment and silently asked, “You DO?”
“Yes,” replied my heart. “I do.”
The Yogis say that Ham-sa is the most natural mantra, the one we are all given by God
before birth. It is the sound of our own breath. Ham on the inhale, sa on the exhale. (Ham, by
the way, is pronounced softly, openly, like hahhhm, not like the meat you put on a sandwich.
And sa rhymes with “Ahhhh . . .”) As long as we live, every time we breathe in or out, we are
repeating this mantra. I am That. I am divine, I am with God, I am an expression of God, I am
not separate, I am not alone, I am not this limited illusion of an individual.
Dar cum lucrurile nu sunt mereu ceea ce par nici statutul meu de invatacel in ale spiritualitatii nu a rezistat mai mult de 4 luni. Dar au fost patru luni pline si un inceput divin. Tot in acest timp mi-am dat seama si de traiectoria pe care o avea fiecare relatie a mea:
I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog’s money, my dog’s time—everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.
A fost un an plin de incercari si situatii neplacute care se tot repetau, cersind parca colaborarea mea in a le depasi si a merge mai departe. Am continuat cu acelasi pattern care imi e caracteristic: doi pasi inainte, un pas inapoi. Anul asta m-am hotarat sa elimin pasul inapoi,ok, poate o pirueta pentru a-mi aduce aminte din cand in cand de the old things. Imi strang cartile si va las un ultim citat acompaniat de urari de bine pentru 2011:
Virginia Woolf wrote, “Across the broad continent of a woman’s life falls the shadow of a
sword.” On one side of that sword, she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where “all is correct.” But on the other side of that sword, if you’re crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, “all is confusion. Nothing follows a regular course.”Her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of that sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman, but you can bet it will also be more perilous.
ganduri 